Rabbi Dr. Jason Weiner is my guest today. He sits at the unique intersection of high-level medicine and deep spiritual care, as senior rabbi and executive director of spiritual care at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, where he oversees the entire chaplain team across their health system. He isn’t just a spiritual leader — he’s the person doctors and families turn to when they face the most difficult ethical and end-of-life decisions. He also serves as a consultant helping people navigate the complexities of aging and end-of-life care, and has been recognized with leadership awards from across the country. But perhaps the most telling thing about his character, and why I wanted him on this channel, is that in 2023, Rabbi Weiner lived his values in the most literal way possible: he donated a kidney to a complete stranger. He understands the beauty of service and the health of the soul better than anyone I know.
What’s the Difference Between Grief and Disenfranchised Grief?
Most people assume grief means one specific thing — someone died, and now they’re mourning. But Rabbi Weiner points out that grief takes many forms, and people experience it in very different ways. “Disenfranchised grief” describes loss that doesn’t come with a clear ritual or recognized process — there’s no funeral, no obvious mourning period to guide you through it, and often no clear sense of what you’re even supposed to do next. It can show up after losing a job, a marriage, or any major life change, and it’s often made harder because other people don’t always recognize it as a real loss. As Rabbi Weiner explains, that lack of a clear boundary doesn’t make the grief any less real — sometimes it’s even more real than grief that comes with an obvious, socially acknowledged loss.
What Are the Red Flags That Someone Is Struggling With Grief?
Every person experiences and expresses grief differently, so there’s no single checklist, but Rabbi Weiner points to some common signs: trouble sleeping, low energy, appetite changes, a loss of interest in things that used to bring joy, and an overall sense of losing purpose or vibrancy. These signs tend to feed into each other. When someone loses their usual sense of vitality and excitement for life, it’s often a signal that something deeper is going on beneath the surface.
Is It OK to Step Away From Grief Sometimes?
Grief researchers describe something called the “dual process model” — the idea that it’s normal, and healthy, to move back and forth between grieving and simply living your everyday life. Rabbi Weiner strongly encourages this. He compares it to the airplane oxygen mask instructions: you have to take care of yourself before you’re able to show up for anyone else. Stepping away from grief for a moment to recharge isn’t avoidance or selfishness — it’s often necessary. Sometimes that permission needs to be explicit: he’ll tell people directly to go home, rest, eat, or take a day off, because staying depleted doesn’t serve the person they’re caring for either.
Why Does Community Matter So Much When You’re Grieving?
Rabbi Weiner shares a striking example: in a study, hikers at the base of a mountain were asked to predict how difficult a trail in front of them would be. Those who expected to hike it alone consistently predicted it would be harder than it actually was. Those who knew they’d have someone else beside them — even without any actual help on the trail — predicted it would be easier. Just having someone present changes how manageable a challenge feels. That’s why he encourages people to actively seek out community during grief, whether through religious groups, hobby groups, or simply one trusted person, even a therapist or chaplain, rather than trying to carry it entirely alone.
How Can Meditation or Prayer Help With Healing?
Different people connect to different tools, but Rabbi Weiner emphasizes the value of an embodied practice — something you actually do, rather than just think about or talk through. That might be prayer, meditation, music therapy, or aromatherapy. What matters is having some kind of relaxation or spiritual practice built into your routine. He notes there’s substantial research supporting how much these practices help with healing and processing loss.
Why Does Giving Back Help Us Heal?
Rabbi Weiner speaks from direct experience here, having donated a kidney to a stranger. In his view, the best way to receive is often through giving — when we live outside of ourselves and focus on others, life becomes more meaningful. He hears this constantly from hospital volunteers, who often say they get more out of helping than the people they’re helping. Giving back, having a hobby, or creating something can be just as valuable to healing as more traditional forms of support.
What’s One Thing to Do When You Feel Stuck?
Rabbi Weiner’s go-to recommendation is writing. He suggests starting simple — writing down what you’re grateful for, what excites you, what you hope to accomplish — and letting that grow into fuller paragraphs about where you want to be and what you’re struggling with. The act of writing, or speaking it aloud if that’s easier, has a way of drawing feelings out that are hard to access through thinking alone, and can open the door to real emotional and behavioral shifts.
Want the full conversation? Watch the full interview with Rabbi Dr. Jason Weiner here: https://youtu.be/QcxHG95Thn8?si=5myrcFUrtnMApvs7
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